


Oh it's such a shame for us to part...

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Blood, M/M, Moving On, Near - death, No happy fairytale ending ;(, Realistic mature ending, Stabbing, You May Cry, a bit dark, bitersweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 03:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7828729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Chas stabbed another Sugden that night?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh it's such a shame for us to part...

**Author's Note:**

> So I remember after Aaron was released from prison we got that heartbreakingly sad little moment where he just told Robert he'd always hate him *still sobbing, despite how much I loved the angst* and then we didn't really get a lot after that until Chas stabbed Diane and Aaron needed Robert's help with Doug and all that. But there is quite a lil gap in between that time period where we all just assumed that Aaron and Robert stayed out of each other's way.  
> This fic sorta delves into the emotions that both would be feeling on the night Diane was stabbed but obviously with a twist lol.  
> Note to self: Don't listen to 'The Scientist' by Coldplay whilst writing a fic - it dosen't end well.

The dim light of Victoria's spare room was enough to keep Robert awake, somehow since the shooting he had been having trouble sleeping with the lights completely off. He felt like an idiot for even thinking that way considering he was a twenty nine year old man who couldn't go to sleep without a light on, sleeping in his little sister's spare box room and practically hated by everyone. Robert huffed out a sigh as he wriggled up on bed, he had quickly realised that sleep was pretty much overrated since being discharged from the hospital. Despite the fact that he had all the time in the world to do just that. He never went out, he was cooped up in the little cottage for most of the day, only getting a little bit of air when he opened the windows in the kitchen or felt the breeze flow towards him as Victoria or Adam re-entered the house.

  
Victoria was angry at him for it, she kept telling him that he needed a suitable hobby that didn't involve sitting on the sofa like a couch potato but he didn't listen, he _couldn't_. Everywhere he went he was reminded of the mistakes he had made in the village.

  
He still hadn't been able to go to the back of the pub again, not after he had stood there staring at the _exact_ place he was shot at and saw the memories flash in front of his mind. It was overwhelming. Too much for Robert to cope with and the very thought of having to keep walking past that spot was enough to make him always nestle into the sofa that little bit more.

  
Robert closed his eyes swiftly as he sat on his bed, trying his hardest to get to sleep without thinking of _him_. It had gotten worse than Robert had thought, since Aaron had been released from prison he had only spoken to him a couple of times. The first still ached him as his eyes sprang open and he felt this need to clutch onto his chest like it was _burning_ , like it was on fire.

  
_'I meant what I said in court, I hate ya and nothing you could do will ever change that.'_

  
It had stung, frozen Robert on the spot as he thought about it over and over again and tried telling himself he didn't care. He kept telling himself that it was expected, that the _hate_ and _loathing_ that Aaron had for him was normal. He kept telling himself it didn't hurt as much as it did. It didn't help though, none of it did.

  
It took _hours_ for Robert to settle his emotions again, push down the feelings he didn't want to think about at all, like his _pain_ , _heartbreak_. At least he was served by Chas when he plucked up the courage to walk into the pub, at least Aaron didn't glare at him too coldly, at least he was able to hide the way his hands were trembling with anticipation under the table.

  
Robert gulped _hard_ as he kicked off the covers and pulled a hand through his hair, this sort of thing was a regular occurrence. It felt like almost every night he sat up on his bed, _thinking_ intensely about his mistakes, about if he would ever be able to rectify them and then eventually falling back down into a heavy slumber when he realised he wouldn't ever be able to make things better with Aaron.

  
Too much water under the bridge and Robert and Aaron had both drowned in it all.

 

Usually Robert was able to fall into a light sleep after half an hour of nothing but guilt and regret circling his mind yet this night _felt_ different. It didn't take long for Robert to know why, considering what had happened that morning:

 

Robert had been caught off guard completely by Aaron who had been waiting in Victoria's living room. For the briefest of seconds Robert allowed himself to think that Aaron was there for him, was there to say 'let's just skip all this shit and be together, because I still love ya and I know you love me despite everything.' And then Robert would wrap his arms around him and apologise until the words were numb on his lips and eventually they would be okay. It didn't happen like that though, of course not.

  
Aaron seemed just as surprised as he was, "I'm waiting for Adam." It was short, to the point and yet still took effort to say. Things had been a lot harder for Aaron recently, knowing Robert was only a few houses away from him yet was hardly ever seen, by anyone. Victoria complained enough about Robert becoming addicted to daytime television and although Aaron told himself he didn't care - he couldn't fool himself that way.

  
He would roll his eyes, scoff and even make a nasty comment whenever someone bought his ex lover up in the pub, and then chas would smirk like she was proud or something and Aaron would feel even better for it. It was always for her benefit though, never his, _never_.

  
"Is it about the scrapyard?" Robert asked, trying to find a way in and knowing he would fail just by the small twitch of Aaron's body.

  
"It has nothing to do with ya." Again it was cutting but still made Aaron feel almost nervous about the way he had spoke. He didn't understand why he felt so twitchy around Robert anymore, he _hated_ him, passionately. Yet not nearly as passionately as he had _loved_ him and that was _always_ a niggling thought at the back of his mind. The fact that he knew he would never be able to feel an emotion as intense as _love_ for Robert Sugden.

  
Robert nodded his head, standing by the door of the living room and not daring to go any further. For a second Robert felt awkward, felt as if he should turn and leave but then he saw the way Aaron was sitting with his head down as if that's what he _wanted_ to happen, somehow that made Robert even more determined to stay.

  
"So, how have you been?" It was a ridiculous question, one you would ask your mother or your friend - not an ex who _hated_ you most in the world. Word vomit, that's what Robert had been self diagnosed with the minute he started jokingly telling Aaron that he was back in the land of the living.

  
Aaron froze, unsure whether or not to even answer him until he turned his body round and looked straight into Robert's eyes. Robert hadn't _looked_ at him like that since the night he sat all on his own in the pub, yet he had the _exact_ same look about it - like a _kicked_ little puppy. Aaron wasn't fooled by it though, not in the slightest.

  
"Have you hit your head or summat?" Aaron spat, making sure to look Robert up and down as he spoke.

  
Robert's eyes widened, "Sorry?"

  
Aaron scoffed before getting up from his seat, "Yeah you should be." He mumbled as he collected the folders he had put on the table in front of him.

  
Robert felt his heart thumping against his chest, _this is your chance._

  
"You know I am." Robert said, stepping in front of Aaron and blocking his way slightly.

  
Aaron hated this, he didn't want it at all. This was what he had feared, feeling like he was trapped, like he was being dragged back into the web of lies and deceit and heartache just by the way Robert was looking at him.

  
"Get out of my way." Aaron spoke harshly, he was always thankful that his voice usually did what his heart couldn't - be cruel.

  
Robert moved a little more forward, still blocking Aaron but not thinking about it like that. He _knew_ that if Aaron _really_ wanted to leave he could easily use his fits, he knew that all too well from experience.

  
They hadn't had the chance to be like, alone, just the two of them able to actually talk to each other about everything that happened. It was what Robert wanted, needed.

  
"Can we talk?" Robert asked, his head titled towards the floor shyly, he could almost hear the rejection slipping out of Aaron's mouth as silence rang through the room.

  
Aaron was tensed, poised and felt nothing but hate for Robert again, he hated him for making him even _consider_ sitting down with him and actually taking like adults, as if they could get _past_ what had happened. He couldn't believe his nerve, how he could even _dare_ to ask such a question.

  
"What do you think?" Aaron spat, before pushing past Robert and darting towards the door, he knew if he stayed any longer Robert would start begging and he didn't want to see that.

  
Robert breathed out a little as he turned around and looked towards Aaron by the door. "I think a part of you wants to..." It was soft, desperate and everything Robert had to offer.

  
Aaron felt anger course through him again, he didn't understand how Robert still thought that he felt anything other than _hate_ for him. Maybe he had to make the message even clearer, "What part of 'I hate you, I'll always hate you' are you struggling to actually get into your twisted skull?" It was loud, like an explosion of all the feelings he had buried.

  
Robert stayed silent, only hitching his breath a little at the words that made his chest _ache_ again.

  
"Robert you could drop _dead_ and I wouldn't give a toss, it's what I said in hospital to ya, you know, I wanted ya dead and I still do!"

  
Aaron breathed in shakily, he could see by just looking at Robert that he had drummed the message home, he looked like he had been _shattered_ into a million pieces. A part of Aaron was glad, he had wanted to hurt Robert just like he had been hurt that day at the scrapyard, when the tears wouldn't stop falling as he watched Robert leave him - _broken_ by the words. Yet at the same time he never wanted Robert to know he was like him that way, that he had _wished_ his death and still did because _deep_ down he knew it wasn't true. How could it be when he knew he could never hate Robert as intensely as he loved him?

 

Robert flinched at the memory as he sat up straight in his bed, shaking a little at as he remembered how the door slammed shut after Aaron had practically stamped on his heart and let him a mess for hours. He knew he deserved it. He knew that it was only karma, but that didn't help at all. Robert looked towards the clock above the door and rolled his eyes, it was earlier than he thought and soon he realised he couldn't even try to sleep anymore - not with these thoughts in his mind, not when he was too restless to even contemplate silencing them.

Robert tiptoed downstairs, putting on his shoes and buttoning up his coat as he made his way towards the door and pulled it shut as he stood out in the cold. It was inviting and cool, he could feel himself relaxing instantly as he thought of nothing else but keeping his body warm by wrapping his arms around himself. Of course then his eyes met the pub, then travelled up to Aaron's bedroom - they were trained to do that for months whenever he was walking past, Chrissie's hand in his. Robert bit down on his lip, wondering if Aaron would be able to sleep peacefully, wondering if he had no trouble at all most nights. Robert wanted nothing more for than for Aaron to rest peacefully, yet still he felt this need for Aaron's heart to ache just as much as his did, he wanted Aaron to be as regretful as he was, to be laying awake wanting to take his words back. It was pointless though, it was _always_ pointless - but that didn't mean Robert would ever stop thinking any differently.

  
Robert walked a little further into the village, his eyes still on the pub until suddenly he saw a light flicker, the bar lights and then a figure walking across. Robert frowned hard as he kept looking, the front doors were being pulled open a little and then it stopped. Robert's eyes travelled up to Aaron's window again and saw the lights still off, Aaron was in bed and someone was downstairs.

  
His heart thumped a little harder, Diane and Doug were staying in a hotel after some fancy meal. Robert settled himself, his thoughts becoming irrational as he remembered Chas lived there too. Robert shook his head and let out a huff as he decided to walk away, the sight of the same figure hovering however was able to draw him back again. He wasn't certain it was Chas. Victoria had been banging on about shattered glass and weird findings and now all the could think about was Aaron in danger.

  
His feet were moving quickly as he approached the pub, his fingers hovering over the handle and then staring in shock as he felt it _click_ open as if someone had left it open by accident. The thought unsettled him as he walked through the bar and observed the surroundings, making sure Chas and Aaron were safe was at the forefront of his mind.

 

***

 

Aaron couldn't sleep, he keep having these problems every night. He would actually fall asleep pretty quickly and then be dragged out of it by the content of his dreams, _him_ apologising and then Aaron _this_ close to forgiving. It was enough to make him not want to sleep again.

  
His mind kept replaying what had happened that morning at Victoria's, his outburst that Robert had more than asked for. He was practically goading him into exploding the way he did and saying things that he knew would _hurt_.

  
He more than asked for it. He more than asked for it. He more than asked for it.

  
So why did it hurt to say so much? Aaron hated the thought of stooping down to his level, to be like him in any way yet he had - the words had been spat after sitting sourly in his mouth. He had _hurled_ his hate and watched it take its effect before turning away and he couldn't help but regret that.

  
Aaron frowned as he heard something, a small sound reminding him of his mother. She was _convinced_ something was going on, that someone was after her and it _killed_ him to think that she was _wrong_ , that the only person coming after her was herself. Cain had wanted to do a stake out that night, but he had caught Aaron at the wrong time. Minutes after slamming the door behind Robert and charging back to the scrapyard to wait there for his best mate instead, Aaron was in the mood for an argument and Cain got just that.

  
At least these sleepless nights spent _thinking_ weren't quickly useless, he was able to always be there for his mum if anything _did_ happen. Aaron heard another noise, practically nothing but then he heard feet moving quickly down the stairs and then stopping. Aaron frowned as he heard it all, pushing himself off the bed and cracking open the door to see if his mum was in her bed, somehow the thought of seeing her sleeping soundly and facing a robber was more welcomed. Aaron looked towards her room, his heart pounding and then falling as he saw she wasn't there.

  
The sound of feet coming from downstairs suddenly rang through his ears, voices, familiar ones and soon his feet were dragging down the steps to see what was going on.

 

***

 

Robert felt his heart racing as he walked across the bar, carefully trying to be as quiet as he could and then suddenly Chas was there, walking towards him. Robert blew out a relief as he saw the way her eyes were almost glazed over and he realised she had been sleep walking.

  
"Jesus Chas you know you left the -"

  
Robert was cut off by the feel of something pressing into him, pushing through and then resting inside him, he was gasping for air suddenly and staggering back as he held onto his stomach and felt hot liquid racing over his shirt - blood.

  
Chas was still in this weird dazed state as she looked towards Robert and suddenly pulled the knife out of his stomach with a sigh. Robert's face fell as he continued clutching onto his stomach, feeling more of his own blood paint his body and then looking straight at the coated knife in Chas' hand.

  
The knife dropped to the floor with a clang, somehow awakening Chas from her state as she suddenly screamed out in distress, shaking all over as she looked at Robert still staggering back, still gasping for breath as he tried to hold himself up.

  
"Oh my god, oh my - Rob - Robert I'm so - I thought you were - " Chas' words blurred into one as Robert finally felt his back hit the wall and then slump down towards the ground in a heap.

  
Robert didn't know what to do, what to think, his mind was swirling with thoughts and then suddenly he was only thinking of _him_.

  
"Mum what -" Aaron's voice filled the room, panicked and quick and filled with this worry and then it was stopped as he looked down and saw Robert, laying there in a pool of his own blood.

  
It felt as though he had been punched in the gut, seeing Robert helplessly laying by himself, bleeding to death probably and then his mum, his mum standing there in even more of a mess as she looked at her bloodied hands.

  
"ROBERT!" Aaron yelled out, a desperate cry as he raced towards Robert and began shaking with fear, his mind filled with dread, a flashback to his shooting. _Don't_ _be_ _dead_ , _don't_ _be_ _dead_.

  
Robert's breathing became dangerously shallow as he lay there, a hand still on his stomach. It took seconds for him to feel Aaron against him, feel his breath against his mouth as he whispered something Robert couldn't hear.

  
"I didn't mean - Aaron help him." Chas said, her voice still panicked as she looked down at Aaron and saw the tears in her son's eyes, swimming and swimming and then crashing down his face.

  
Aaron turned back to Robert, a hand pressing down on his stomach and then feeling Robert move his own one over Aaron's, savouring the feel of them touching - they hadn't been this close in months, it wasn't the way Robert had planned it in his mind but he couldn't complain.

  
"It's gonna be okay..." Aaron breathed out as he saw the way Robert seemed to be drifting, "Stay - stay awake, keep your eyes open okay?" He was trying to act controlled, unemotional - despite the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about how he had acted to Robert being shot - how all these thoughts were in his mind, all these things he wished he could say but couldn't quite get out - he didn't want to think about that now.

  
"What - what shall I do - what?" Chas couldn't stop looking at Robert's body, the way he was struggling to breathe, the way his hand was clutching onto Aaron's desperately.

  
Aaron felt more tears racing down his face, "C-call the ambulance mum, now...mum!" He shouted before instantly regretting it as he saw that it had only made his mum even more confused and flustered.

  
Suddenly Aaron felt someone coming through the door and cried out a sigh of relief as he saw his uncle standing there confused and panicked, "The doors open - Is that Sugden?" He asked, looking down and seeing Robert laying there nearly lifeless.

  
Aaron nodded his head quickly, looking into Robert's eyes and then turning towards Cain. "Cain get her out of here okay?" His eyes darted towards his mum who was still shaking, "Just get her out of here and call a bloody ambulance!" The last words fell out hastily laced in a bunch of tears as he felt Robert's grip on his hand get weaker.

  
Robert heaved a little, it was hard to breathe and despite wanting to stay awake it was a battle he felt he was loosing. "Aaron - Aaron I can't -"

  
Aaron breathed in shakily, his attention back on Robert as he felt more blood soaking through his shirt. "It's okay - shh please, don't speak..." Aaron mumbled, scared of what Robert was trying to say.

  
Cain walked towards the kitchen, getting a few towels and passing them down to Aaron, "Keep applying pressure alright." He said calmly before turning to his sister and holding her by her shoulders, "Let's get ya out of here okay?" He said gently.

  
Chas shook her head, her eyes falling on her son and Robert and seeing how _distraught_ her little boy was about what _she_ had done. "I stabbed him I thought - I thought he was a - no I can't leave Aaron, I can't leave him Cain, I won't -"

  
"I'm not asking Chas, I'm telling." Cain said, a hand fishing into his pocket as he called the ambulance and gave the right details.

  
Aaron saw the way Robert's eyes were fluttering shut and suddenly found himself even closer to the older man, not minding the blood that was coating him as he moved.

  
"Please Rob just do as I ask this _one_ time yeah?" Aaron tried to smile but it was pointless, he was loosing someone he never really had.

  
Robert smiled a little at Aaron's words, and then moaned as he felt the effects start to take place more ferociously, not even Aaron's soft touch was helping the pain.

  
"I'm taking her to Zak and Lisa's, you stay with him okay?" Cain said, looking over at his nephew and then moving closer towards him to kneel down. "It's gonna be okay son." He whispered, knowing that Aaron was full of fear and panic and needed to know that desperately even if it wasn't true.

  
Aaron gulped, more tears. "But what if he -"

  
Cain shook his head, "Everything is gonna be fine, just like I said okay?"

  
Aaron nodded along, knowing his uncle wouldn't say anything honest, knowing it was pointless. Chas looked towards him, blood staining her hands as she still shook from the shock of what she had done, "Aaron I'm so sorry." She let out just as Cain managed to pull her towards the door and whisk her away, stopping to pick up the knife and taking it with him.

 

***

  
The door slammed shut and suddenly it all became real, Aaron was watching Robert struggling to stay awake, to stay alive and he had nothing to distract himself with - not his mum, not Cain.

  
Robert breathing became short and quick as he battled through the pain he was feeling, Aaron moving a hand up to cup his face and again ignoring all the blood that he was surrounded by. "Rob can - can you hear me?"

  
Robert nodded his head weakly as he felt Aaron blow out a sigh of relief.

  
"The ambulance is coming now, they're on there way okay? So you just have to hold on a little longer for me." Aaron whispered, shakily letting all that control out of his voice.

  
_For_ _me -_ it was enough to open Robert's eyes a little wider.

  
"So you - you, might not - not get your w-wish then," Robert said, each word a struggle to get out as he tried to laugh at the end of the sentence.

  
Aaron frowned softly, feeling the towels getting soaked quicker. "What are ya on about?"

  
Robert let out a little smile, slumping further down, "You - wanting me dead - I mean, it could st-still happen 'cos I can't hear any sirens - can, can you?" Another little laugh, trying to ease this unbearable pain and failing as he saw the look of horror on Aaron's face as if he had just realised how true his words had been.

  
Aaron's hands shook as he looked at Robert, feeling more tears fall down his face, "I don't want that," he whispered in disgust, unable to feel anything but _hate_ for _himself_ and his words. "I _never_ wanted that." Aaron sobbed against Robert, forgetting to push down on Robert's wound and cupping Robert's face gently, it almost felt like the end, as if this was it and he couldn't change anything.

  
Robert relaxed a little, as if he was at peace knowing that Aaron didn't hate him as much he had thought, "That's - that's good to know." He let out, his breathing slowing down at little as if Aaron had eased the pain.

  
Aaron shook his head, his mind was wrecked with thoughts. "W-what are ya even _doing_ here I -"

  
Robert was shaking over his stomach and Aaron made sure to grip a little harder. "I - I heard noises, I thought...someone had - had broken...broken in or," he suddenly began panting as it became harder to speak, "Your mum she just - I don't know, it was like - like she didn't - didn't even re-realise or something," he added before blowing out a long breath that made Aaron heart ache a little.

  
Robert had been trying to help.

  
Aaron shook his head, "You idiot," he let out, tears falling mixed with frustration, "The one time ya decide to be a decent human being and - and this fucking happens."

  
Robert tried to smile but it hurt, "I think - think someone's telling me, to just - keep on...being a -"

  
"Fucking little...smug shit." Aaron said shaking still but trying to smile.

  
Robert gulped hard, trying to keep his breath as he smiled, "Took the words right out of...my mouth," he whispered as he titled his head back a little, his eyes rolling back.

  
"Please...please stay awake," Aaron whispered out, his voice shaky and nervous as he kept sensing Robert leaving, "Please don't leave me..." That wasn't meant to come out, he didn't want Robert seeing him this weak, not after all the times before but he couldn't help his emotions pouring out over and over again.

  
Robert hitched his breath as he felt his heart melt at the way Aaron was pleading with him, the pain was still there but now he had something else to think about, "I'd - I'd never do that Aaron," a tear fell down his face, "You can hate me all ya like - it dosen't change the fact that I - that I'll _always_..."

  
Aaron shook his head, as he pulled his hands away from Robert's face and looked down to the soaked top he was wearing, "Don't say it." He cried, knowing that if Robert muttered the words it would leave him heartbroken in the end, if anything happened - if he lost him for good.

  
Robert huffed out a sigh as he felt another sharp pain rake over his whole body making him fall a little against the wall and then Aaron was holding him up, supporting him and he couldn't _not_ say what he needed to say before it was too late. "Aaron I have to - Aaron look at me," Aaron turned to face Robert slowly, "I need you to know that I -"

  
Aaron nodded his head, "Of course I know," he whispered biting his lip, there was no other explanation as to why Robert still wanted to try and speak to him.

  
"Aaron I'm so sorry for everything," Robert felt more tears falling down his face as he felt another wave of pain take over him, "I need ya to know that I didn't - I didn't mean what I said - I didn't, it was always just - just you and me, I swear."

  
_You_ _thought_ _you_ _were_ _the_ _only_ _one_ , _yeah_?

  
Aaron shook his head as he heard Robert speak, he didn't want to hear this now but he knew he didn't have a choice. Another sharp wave came over him as Robert winced hard against the wall, "God Aaron it hurts..." He sobbed, he couldn't keep it together any longer as he looked at the blood they were covered in, _his_ blood. "It hurts so much - I can't -"

  
"Shh," Aaron whispered before turning towards the clock in the corner of the room, "Where's the fucking ambulance!" He muttered, shaking against Robert again.

  
Robert's breathing became shallow and slow again as he gripped onto his stomach and yelled out in pain, "I don't think I can do this much longer Aaron, I'm sorry." He was battling with himself, trying not to let it just overwhelm him _for_ Aaron but he was failing.

  
"Don't give up Rob, _please_...please I'm begging ya." Aaron whispered, everything falling around him as he realised what Robert was meaning.

  
Robert titled his head back, more tears falling. "Maybe it's better this way - me finally leaving ya alone -"

  
Aaron suddenly found himself gripping tightly against Robert's shirt, "Don't be so fucking stupid, you - please don't, don't think like that, I don't want ya to leave me."

  
Robert gulped hard, panting as the pain took over, "I'm sorry," it was all he was able to get out.

  
Aaron's eyes widened, knowing what Robert was trying to prepare him for and wanting to distract him, "What can I say - what can I do Rob? Tell me and I'll do it, don't leave it like this it's not fair." He was pleading and it burned his throat all over.

  
Robert settled a little as if the words were helping as he lifted an arm up weakly to hold onto Aaron's neck, "You - being here, it's enough -" he whispered, "You could have left me, you could have just let me here to die..." He panted, knowing how much that meant to him after everything, after wondering if Aaron would do just that if he had the chance one day. "It's enough Aaron...you're enough..." He said, his voice breaking as he spoke.

 

_You always have been._

  
Aaron sobbed against him, everything breaking inside as it felt like Robert was giving up, "Don't speak like that, okay - don't give up like that. You are the most stubborn bloke I know alright so ya can keep your eyes open." He said nervously, a hand stroking Robert's.

  
Robert smiled as he leaned against the wall, "Too stubborn." He said harshly, "Too stubborn to realise what I was pushing away." He added, another tear falling down his face as he was filled with regret.

  
Aaron shook his head, gripping tightly onto Robert. "That dosen't matter now, none of that matters." He said knowing what Robert was trying to get out.

  
Robert was sobbing now, a hand gripping onto Aaron's as hard as he could, "Of course it does - Aaron I need ya to know that I'm so sorry," more tears came rushing out, he wanted to say all this anyway, just not whilst he was practically bleeding to death. "I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry," it was hard and harsh to breath, panting was the only way he could get through his words but he had to say this all, "And I need ya to know that Aaron, I'm - I'm just so -"

  
Aaron was stunned, this raw emotion wasn't Robert, these tears and panic and complete sorrow wasn't Robert. He kept everything in, hidden even more than Aaron did. But now he was letting go, as if he was letting go of _everything_ all at once. The words almost like a _dying_ wish.

  
"I know Robert, you don't need to say it anymore...I'll try and forgive ya yeah?" Aaron whispered knowing that it could be possible, he could forgive but never forget.

  
Robert smiled gently, the words like medicine pouring down his throat as he moved a little closer to Aaron, titling his head and then finding Aaron's forehead pressed against his own. Their faces were inches apart and Robert felt the pain begin to slip away slightly, the fell of Aaron's lips so close to his. "Can, can I just -" a whisper came out, a question that Aaron nodded to as he allowed Robert to brush their lips together, too gentle for words to be able to describe. Robert felt _whole_ as he pulled away and looked into Aaron's eyes.

 

_I could live with dying tonight._

 

Robert smiled weakly, giving in a little, "I love ya Aaron, always have, always -"

  
Aaron froze, feeling Robert against him and seeing his eyes close shut. "Robert?" He asked, soft and gentle and then suddenly he was shaking the older man all over, desperately shouting his name as fresh tears fell down his face. "Always _will_ , always - that's what you have to say Robert, please, please say it." He whispered desperately before letting out another sob, "ROBERT PLEASE WAKE UP!

  
He didn't want this, he never wanted this. All those times he whisked it could all just end and by done with, this wasn't what he envisioned for a second. Not Robert like this, unresponsive after being _stabbed_ , not when he had all these things still to say to him.

  
Aaron fell towards Robert, unable to not wrap his arms tightly round him and sob against his chest like a baby, like someone had ripped his heart out and stamped on it.

  
The sight of a woman approaching the scene blurred Aaron's vision and suddenly he was being asked all the questions he didn't want to answer. He just needed Robert to be okay, he didn't want that stupid lie of a wish to become reality.

  
"He - he's not breathing is he? God please help him, _please_ make him okay please I can't lose him." Aaron was letting all these emotions out at once as he felt himself being prized off Robert by the paramedics. Saying the words aloud were shocking to hear, he felt as though he was back to that night when Robert had been shot and he was finally being able to say what he meant. What he kept having to suppress because he needed to hate Robert, he _did_ but it didn't compare to the opposite feeling he felt for the man - that _love_ that haunted him always.

  
Aaron stood helplessly as he watched a man check for a pulse, check for breathing and see if Robert was -

  
"There's a pulse," Aaron had never felt so relived as he heard one of the paramedics mumbled the words and then add, "It's  very weak...looks like he's still fighting though." The smile the man gave Aaron managed to make the tears fall even harder, the possibility that Robert had heard him and still tried to fight what was happening to him was enough to make him weep.  
Suddenly Robert was being lifted up and taken away, out of Aaron's sight.

  
"Can - can I go with ya?" Aaron asked sheepishly, "He wouldn't want to be alone." He added, 'it scares me being alone' circled his mind and made his heart thump harder.

  
The paramedic nodded his head along, "Follow me." He said as he walked out towards the ambulance outside and gestured towards the back of the ambulance where Robert was laid out, wires leading to machines all around him.

  
Aaron rushed towards his side, settling down and then clasping his head as he waited for the vehicle to move, "I'm here Robert, I'm here okay?" He said shakily making one of the medics turn round and smile at him.

  
"Keep talking to him for us yeah, it actually helps." She said innocently.

  
Aaron nodded his head and then leaned in closer to Robert, brushing away his falling tears, "Keep fighting for me," he whispered as he stroked Robert's hand gently, "Don't leave me like this."

 

***

 

The ambulance journey felt like _hours_ , it was agonising to see the looks the paramedics were giving each other from time to time, looks that said 'it's not looking good' and making Aaron grip Robert's hand even tighter. Explaining to them what happened was difficult, he was thinking about his mum and feeling sick as he pretended he had no clue how Robert had been in that state.

  
It felt mad to think that he hated him so passionately that morning, that he allowed it to overwhelm him and nearly override what he felt deep inside. The ambulance came to a halt outside the hospital and soon Robert was being taken out of the ambulance and onto the pavement, rain falling hard and washing away the blood that was staining Aaron's hands.

  
Aaron still had a hand gripped onto Robert's as he was wheeled into the hospital, his eyes were still fixed on Robert's, watching and waiting to see the slightest movement from him.

  
"Robert Sugden, stab wound to the stomach. He's lost a lot of blood." The facts were said so calmly, so controlled and Aaron frowned at how easy they were able to say such devastating. How _dare_ they not speak as though Robert was their entire world?

  
Suddenly Aaron felt a nurse touch his arm delicately, "I'm gonna need ya to let them look after him now love."

  
Aaron frowned harshly as he turned to face her, "What? No I can't - I can't leave him." He gripped onto Robert's hand tighter, he was too scared to let it go.

  
The nurse seemed to understand as she nodded along, she must have dealt with this sort of despair on a daily basis, "I know love but they need to assess him to see what they can do to help."

  
Aaron felt himself crying, but couldn't stop it. He didn't care if he was in the middle of hospital pouring his heart out about a prick who treated him badly over and over again, "But what if they can't help him? I don't want this to be the last time I can - can hold his hand." He didn't really know what he was saying anymore, he was just thinking about a future where Robert wasn't there in the background somewhere, annoying him and tempting him and _trying_ to be a better person.

  
Aaron felt the nurse guide his hand away gently and he was letting her, knowing he had to let him go for now.

  
"I'm still here Rob, still keep fighting for me yeah?" Aaron whispered before kissing Robert's hand and thinking back to a memory he had tried to bury. They were laying in the hotel bed and suddenly Robert reached out for Aaron's hand and kissed it delicately, it had made Aaron blush a little and then pull away - muttering something about Robert being soft and him not needing that 'soppy shit', despite the way he craved for those little romantic moments that made what they had seem more like just a _sordid_ affair.

  
Aaron watched Robert leave him, charging through the hospital as he stood there shaking, rocked to the core and knowing he loved him more than he ever thought was possible.

 

Aaron was outside, fresh air through his lungs as he tried to decide what to do. He knew he had to call Victoria or Diane and tell them where Robert was but how could he explain _why_ he was there in the first place? His thoughts ran to his mother, how completely broken and scared she must have been, he wanted to comfort her her hit her at the same time because she had _stabbed_ someone, _Robert_. He could die, and it would be all her fault and Aaron couldn't even begin to think about how he would be able to love her the same.

  
Aaron's phone began beeping and he saw that Cain was ringing him, blowing out a shallow breath he picked up the phone.

  
"Cain, how's mum?" It was the only thing he needed to know.

  
"She's - she's not great, panicking and that...so I need ya to tell me he's okay."

  
Aaron frowned hard, what about someone reassuring _him_ instead. "Cain they said he lost a lot of blood, they've taken him away and I don't -"

  
Cain sighed hard, "Okay I'm gonna tell her that he's doing just fine."

  
Aaron shook his head in disbelief, "What about if he isn't Cain? I'm going out of my mind here - I don't know what to do, what I'm a supposed to say to Diane?" His voice broke a little at the end as his heart thumped harder.

  
Cain cleared his throat, still so in control. "Leave Diane to me, sit tight and just act normal okay? You can't go giving anything away."

  
"You think that's what I care about? He watched mum stab him I don't think he's gonna just forget that Cain."

  
"Well _if_ he dosen't croak it then I'm sure he'll be up for some persuasion."

  
Aaron saw red, his mind circling with thoughts as he leaned closer to his phone a little more. "If you even think about touching a single fucking hair on his head after what mum's put him through, I swear to God Cain -"

  
"Settle down lover boy." Cain said dryly, as if he was _still_ unaffected by it all. "Let's hope he knows what's best for him then." He added slowly before letting out a sigh, "Your mum's asleep, knocked her out with a few pills so she should be alright until the morning."

  
Aaron shook his head hard, "She dosen't _need_ pills alright, she needs to be in hospital even more than Robert does right now - you can't just try and fix what's going on in her mind -"

  
"I'm doing my best." Cain said, emotion suddenly there as he spoke and unsettling Aaron, "Now get back to Robert and expect Diane to be there soon."

  
The thought made Aaron nervous and shaky, "What are ya gonna say to her?"

  
"Her step son's been stabbed and my nephew's at the hospital with him now -"

  
Aaron frowned hard, "The nephew who _hates_ him more than anyone." He pointed out knowing that almost everyone was aware of the tension and issue between the two men.

  
Cain scoffed, "Yeah who ya tryna kid mate?" He said cooly, as if it was almost common knowledge that it wasn't really true.

  
Aaron was stunned into silence, allowing Cain to say goodbye and hang up without muttering another word.

 

***

 

Aaron appeared back in the hospital and felt the same rush of worry hit him like it had done when he first arrived there, machines were beeping all over the place and nurses rushed past him time and time again without giving him a second thought.

  
Aaron approached the desk, tapping at it hard as the nurse turned round to see him, a smile on her face as if she was in the middle of a daisy field and not a hospital.

  
"Can I help you Sir?"

  
"Robert Sugden, I need to know how he's doing - no ones told me anything yet..."

  
The nurse bit down on her lip, it took seconds for her to see where he had been taken but yet the look on her face told Aaron it wasn't that easy to say. "Are you family Sir?"

  
Aaron shook his head too quickly, cursing himself for not allowing time for his brain to just say 'yep he's my cousin'. The nurse gave him a sorry look as if to say there was no way she could give out any information.

  
"He's - he's a mate okay and I just need to know that he's -"

  
"I'm sorry love but I _can't_ give out any information unless -"

  
"Okay he's, he's more than that - he's er...he's my - my boyfriend." It took seconds for Aaron to say, it felt weird in his mouth before he blurted it out but then as he heard himself say it, it was almost natural. They were _never_ boyfriends, not ever and Aaron knew they wouldn't be but in the moment he felt as though it was _right_ to say, to admit to. A part of him wondered if Robert would have smugly smiled at the word and that made his stomach flip a little.

 

***

 

"He's still unconscious at the moment but the doctors have been able to stop the majority of the bleeding on the wound, he'll need to be taken into surgery to deal with the wound itself but at the moment he's in a stable condition."

 

Stable.

 

Aaron nodded out a thank you and then dared himself to ask if he could see him, he was cut short though by the sound of his name being called. He twisted his body around and then saw Diane and Victoria standing there, distraught.

  
"Oh Aaron what's happened? I can't believe this, what - how is he?" Diane cried out, tears in her eyes as she spoke to Aaron.

  
Aaron moved a hand up to dab at his face, not wanting either of them to know how much crying he had done. "He's stable at the moment...er he lost a lot of blood but they, they stopped the bleeding so -"

  
"Oh thank God," Diane clapped her hands together, "How did this happen? I mean how did you even know -"

  
Victoria frowned at him, "Was it at the pub? Another break in or something?"

  
Aaron felt his heart thud harder, unsure what to say but then he was nodding because mentioning Chas would only make things worse, no matter how terrible he felt for lying about it. "Yeah I think, he said he heard noises so I think he was trying to help or..." Aaron hitched his breath a little, knowing that it was all true and it _hurt_ all over, Robert trying to _help_ , look out for him even after he had told the older man he wished he was dead.

  
Victoria covered her eyes as she cried, obviously overwhelmed with the thought of her brother being this sort of saviour and then getting hurt in the end, "Of course the only time he'd try and help it would be because of you." She mumbled before looking at Aaron sadly, "It's always you," she added.

  
Aaron didn't know what to say, he felt unsettled by the thought that he had somehow put Robert in danger.

  
Diane waved a hand out, "Can we see him? Do you know if we can?" She asked frantically looking across at Aaron again.

  
Aaron nodded his head slowly, "He's...he's unconscious at the moment but yeah you can I think." He said feeling odd because Diane was almost _asking_ him like he had more right than she did.

  
Diane squeezed onto Aaron's arm, "Cain said ya stayed with him, until the ambulance came," she said slowly, gratitude in her eyes. Aaron tensed, wondering if his Uncle had tried to make him out to be some hero, saving Robert from bleeding to death.

"Thank you." She breathed out gently.

  
Victoria looked towards Aaron and then suddenly pulled him into a hug, "I know you and him..." She mumbled awkwardly before stopping herself because she didn't know as much about their relationship as she wanted to, "Knowing that ya stayed, tried to help him - it's probably what kept him fighting." Aaron tensed again, wondering how she knew as he pulled away.

  
"Vic..." He asked warily, he didn't want to have this discussion with her now.

  
Diane looked across to another nurse and asked her where Robert was but Victoria stayed put, a hand moving up Aaron's arm "Stay." She whispered, making Aaron's stomach flip - he couldn't stay now, he couldn't comfort his friend when he knew exactly what had happened and the thought made him feel sick. "He'd be so glad if ya stayed Aaron and I know that he still cares for ya, he always did didn't he?"

  
Aaron chocked a little, remembering all the mentions of love that Robert whispered as he tried to stay awake. "Yeah," he whispered, suddenly feeling vulnerable, "So he says." He added, to save face, act a little more emotionless.

  
Victoria nodded her head along, "Just stay for a little while," she said as she began to follow Diane and left Aaron stand there, trying to stop shaking.

 

***

 

Aaron opened his eyes slowly, he didn't even remember falling asleep. He was still at the hospital, just now sitting on one of those horrible plastic chairs that dug into his back and made it hard to move. Aaron looked down at his phone and saw that he had no messages despite the fact that almost two hours had rolled by. Nothing from Cain at all.

  
Aaron rubbed at his eyes, feeling guilty about he had dozed off in the middle of a hospital, it was easier though than having to comfort Victoria and Diane and make out that he had done nothing but try and keep Robert alive.

  
Aaron shuffled a little on his seat and suddenly caught sight of Victoria above him, a cup of weak tea in her hand that she was gesturing to Aaron.

  
Aaron smiled at her weakly, "Thanks..." He mumbled, taking the cup from her and sipping it.

  
Victoria sat beside Aaron, moving a hand over her face as she did so. Aaron blinked gently, trying to read her and then giving in, "How is he? Is he okay?"

  
Victoria nodded her head, "They took him into surgery, the wound isn't as deep as they first thought so they treated it quicker - he's back now, still out of it though." She sighed, looking down towards the floor.

  
Aaron bit down on his lip, "Thank God," he mumbled, relief washing over him that didn't go unnoticed by an observant Victoria.

  
Victoria turned to him, squinting a little, "You can see him ya know...you probably should considering..."

  
Aaron frowned hard, confused by her words.

  
"Considering the nurse asked where's his worried boyfriend was..." Victoria added, a small smile on her face as she spoke. Aaron rolled his eyes, he didn't want her to think anything was going on when it really wasn't.

  
"What else was I supposed to say? They wouldn't let me know anything." Aaron mumbled, shuffling nervously as he spoke and then letting out sigh.

  
Victoria titled her head again, "Could have said 'he's my brother, cousin, uncle...' I mean the list goes -"

  
"I get it Vic." Aaron snapped, a hand moving up to silence his friend, "Look just 'cos I didn't leave him to _die_ dosen't mean there's anything going on."

  
Victoria frowned a little, "Who said there was?" She asked, trying her hardest to act all innocent as Diane approached them.

  
"He's one lucky man him." Diane cried out as she sat opposite Victoria, "Shot last month, stabbed this one." If it was anyone else who had said that, Aaron would have surely laughed or at least let out a little smirk, but this was Diane so all he did was nod in agreement.

  
"He's okay though, right?" Aaron asked after a few seconds, ignoring the way Victoria was almost monitoring the amount of worry laced in his voice.

  
Diane nodded her head and then sighed, "He should come round either today or tomorrow they say, he's had a lucky escape _again_." She pointed out, folding her arms across her, "You know I wish he'd stop doing this to me." She added, this time a smile on her face as she spoke that made it okay for Aaron to copy her.

"Thanks for staying love," Diane said softly, Victoria was sitting with Robert now and Aaron couldn't help but feel out of place. "Did the little sleep ya got do any good?" She asked, motherly.

  
Aaron nodded his head a little, lying because it had only made things worse he thought.

  
"Well good thing we were here, I mean the police had to talk to someone didn't they eh?" Diane let out, moving her hands a little across her lap as she spoke. Aaron froze, he couldn't think about telling the police _anything_ until Robert woke up.

  
"The - the police? What did ya say?" He couldn't help but ask.

  
Diane shrugged, "I mentioned the break ins, they stuff happening at the pub so I suppose they'd want to talk to your mum about it love, how is she? I hope she's not too shaken up."

  
Aaron tried to stay calm, telling Diane that she was fine and then telling himself that Cain would sort it.

 

***

 

There was only ten minutes left until visiting times finished, Aaron stood outside the door, waiting and wondering if he should even dare to go inside. Diane had been picked up by Doug, despite her wanting to stay Victoria had managed to persuade her to leave. Victoria was on the phone to Adam outside and suddenly he had an opportunity, one he didn't want to miss.

  
Aaron moved an inch or two closer to the window of Robert's room, the blinds still open a little so that he could see him laying flat on the bed, tubes and wires everywhere that were keeping him alive.

  
Aaron pushed the door open, instantly hearing the sound of the machines and feeling sick with guilt. He kept hearing Robert's apologies over and over in his head, how desperate he was to make things better before he couldn't anymore, the tears that Aaron had shed over his body as he prayed he wasn't gone, that he hadn't left him. It felt pathetic now, he was moving towards Robert's bed and feeling stupid for feeling such a way about someone who he wasn't even with, someone who he didn't even like that much considering. Aaron tried to forget the way his heart almost broke when he had to have his head removed from Robert's, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop thinking about the fact that when it came down to it, he _still_ loved Robert enough to completely break down at the thought of losing him so horrifically.

The thought of Robert _dying_ in his arms, made him realise that he couldn't leave things how they were - tense and this hateful atmosphere soaking them both up - not when it wasn't _really_ true. Not when Aaron knew that despite everything, Robert did _love_ him in his own warped way, and that pretending like he didn't feel the same still was fixing anything. What was the point of lying?

  
Aaron gently brushed a hand over Robert's, "You scared me again." He whispered out before looking at how at peace Robert looked laying in front of him.

  
"You made me think that, that I'd never be able to walk down the street and just smile at ya, wish the best for you maybe...one day you know?" Robert stayed unresponsive and Aaron couldn't hide how it hurt.

  
Aaron felt tears swimming in his eyes, "We both know that me and you...it's - there's still more to say, to - to just get out you know and," he breathed out softly, "What I'm tryna say is that I think we both need closure on all of this don't we?" A hand went across to touch Robert's arm again. "And if you had - if ya _died_ Rob, I wouldn't have ever got that. I would have just, been stuck like how I am now. I don't want feel like this." He admitted, "I hate hating ya even more than I hate - hate _loving_ ya. I just want this all to be over and for us to be able to move on, finally get on with our lives."

  
Aaron pulled his hand away and rubbed at his face so that he could wipe the tears away from his face that wouldn't stop falling. This is what he had wanted to say for weeks, instead of lashing out and hating Robert he wanted to actually speak like adults, get everything out and try to get past what they had.

  
"I could have lost ya," he admitted, ducking his head a little and then sighing, "And that's what hurts the most 'cos you're not even mine to lose. I get that." The machine beeped around the room again, "I don't want ya to be mine Rob, I just want us to both be happy..." Suddenly Aaron titled his head to kiss Robert's forehead, he never did that. "I'm so sorry for everything," he let out shakily thinking about his mum, "I never wanted ya to get hurt Robert, I never wanted ya to die...not really." He said the last few words with a nervous chuckle as he let go and began walking back to the door.

  
"I'll be here when ya wake up, we can have that talk ya wanted earlier." Aaron said looking back and trying to smile.

 

***

 

Robert hadn't woken up yet, the doctors said it was fine but Victoria couldn't help but voice her worry about it all that only made Aaron more nervous. He had been prized away from the hospital by Cain the next morning, and taken back to Zak and Lisa's to see his mum.

  
"The police wanted to talk to her, I said they should come back." Cain said sternly, arms crossed as he looked down at Chas who was still sleeping.

  
Aaron bit down on his lip, "How's she been?" He asked, worried as he looked down and saw her distressed her expression made her seem.

  
Cain clicked his tongue impatiently as he watched Chas begin to stir and then open her eyes a little, sheepishly. "I'll let you found out." He said, before darting towards the door and leaving.

  
Chas gulped hard, " _Love_ how is he? Is he okay, please tell me he's not de-"

  
Aaron couldn't resist the urge to hold her tightly, never seeing her this scared and tortured before. "He's gonna be fine mum, he's stable and - and they be sorted him, he's gonna be okay." He mumbled into her, feeling his mum relax at the words almost immediately. "Are you though?" Aaron said shakily as he pulled away, seeing her face fall and then crumble - guilt overruling everything else she felt.

  
"I don't know - I just feel trapped, and I'm scared and I need your help love because I could have - could have killed him, and that would have - have hurt ya too." Chas cried out, desperate as she spoke.

  
"This needs to be over mum, you can't lie." Aaron knew she had to get the help she needed, he knew neither of them could hide what she had done.

  
Chas nodded her head as if to agree and then suddenly there was a knock on the door that pulled them apart, Aaron walked towards it as if he knew who it was and welcomed it.

  
"We're looking for Ms Chas Dingle." An officer, friendly enough but still making Aaron shiver slightly.

 

Aaron held his mum's hand as she explained everything to the police, he saw the way both officers seemed to realise she needed help more than anything else and was telling her that she had come with them. Aaron didn't want to leave her, he couldn't bare the thought of her going and carrying this guilt around with him. It got worse when Cain suddenly arrived, shouting at Aaron for letting Chas be so stupid as they took her away with them.

  
"She needs help Cain, she's not gonna get locked up for this - not when she's talking about hearing flaming voices and - and imaginary intruders." Aaron tried to reason with Cain as he watched his Uncle look at him helplessly.

  
"Is this because Sugden said he'd tell the police?" Cain asked bitterly.

  
Aaron didn't even want Cain saying his name, not after he had heard the way Cain almost admitted that he would beat the silence into Robert if he wanted to tell the truth. He was oddly protective of the older man now.

  
"No, he's still unconcious. This is because my mum was _desperate_ for help, and I wanted to give it to her." Aaron blurted out quickly watching Cain settle slightly.

  
"I just want her to be better." Aaron added, tears in his eyes and then suddenly he was being pushed into a tight hug by his uncle and feeling a little better.

 

***

 

Aaron found himself back at the hospital less than an hour later, Victoria was already there when he walked through the doors trying to compose himself, the journey there in his car had been a nervous one. He didn't know what he would say to Victoria or Diane now the truth was out, maybe Robert had already woken up and told the police - maybe they already knew.

  
"Aaron, Aaron he's awake!" Victoria said, relief washing over her as she spoke, and eyes bright and hopeful.

  
Aaron bit down on his lip, the news that he had wanted, the news that made everything else seem a little more bearable, "Is he - I mean, you know like there's nothing wrong with him or -"

  
Victoria scoffed, "You mean is a being a pain in the arse already? Yep, just a quieter version though, he seems to be really shaken up by it."

  
That hurt, that made Aaron shiver a little bit without meaning to because he couldn't imagine what Robert had been going through last night, the possibility of death only a few hours away as he bled to death, he must have terrified. Yet all the older man wanted to do was make peace with Aaron, apologise again and again and make sure he realised that he was loved.

  
"Are you alright Aaron?" Victoria asked, concerned as she watched Aaron simply stand there thinking. Aaron pulled his eyes towards her and gulped hard realising he hadn't said anything for a while.

  
"No, Vic look I have to tell you something..." Aaron's heart was beating a little faster as he spoke, not knowing how to approach the subject.

  
Victoria frowned, "I'm sure it can wait...he was asking after ya, wouldn't stop really. He won't even see the police until he sees ya."

  
Aaron's eyes widened realising that Robert was purposely not seeing the police because he didn't know whether to tell the truth or not. Somehow that made his heart ache a little more, knowing that Robert was _still_ thinking of him.

  
"Vic listen to me, my...my mum did this." It came out too quickly, a blur of words by Victoria seemed to understand and Aaron couldn't help but feel thankful.

  
"Why do you mean she did this? As in, as in _Robert_?" Aaron looked towards the ground sheepishly as Victoria continued, "Chas stabbed him, why did - why would she - I mean I know she hates him but what -"

  
"She didn't mean to Vic," Aaron said sounding deflated, "She's _ill_...she dosen't know what she's doing. All the break ins were her, she did it all because she can't cope and I - I'm sorry okay, I'm sorry I don't -"

  
Aaron felt Victoria pull him into a hug, one that said she wasn't angry, or judgemental.

  
"She confessed, they're gonna get her help Vic, she's so sorry." There were tears in his eyes as he spoke, he felt awful and guilty but a little better for how gentle and kind Victoria was being about it all.

  
As Victoria pulled away she had tears in her eyes that she was wiping, "God and Robert obviously knows dosen't he? Wanted to protect ya then." She said looking over to the two police offers just walking around the hallway probably bored out of their minds.

  
Aaron rolled his eyes, "I wish he didn't want to...it'd make all this easier." He huffed out, a hand over his eyes.

  
Victoria sighed, almost knowing what Aaron meant. "You and him aren't -"

  
"We can't Vic, sometimes it just...there's too much that's happened - we need to move on and try to be happy, apart." The words fell out sadly as he spoke despite the fact that he knew it was what needed to happen.

  
Victoria bit down on her lip as if she was about to burst into tears, "He'd be happy _with_ you Aaron." She pointed out, knowing it was true.

  
Aaron shrugged his shoulders, realisation hitting him. "Maybe, but I can't say that I'd be happy with him Vic." Victoria shut her eyes briefly as if trying to take the information in correctly, "There's things he's done, things I haven't forgiven him for and - and I can't expect him to put up with me bringing up the past every time we don't see eye to eye, which is basically every other hour."

  
Victoria shook her head, "You _love_ him though Aaron. He nearly _died_ yesterday with you right there - dosen't that tell ya life's too short to just give up on someone. To stop fighting, he didn't stop last night - he _kept_ fighting for ya so why can't ya do the same?"

  
It was tempting, everything Victoria was saying managed to cause an effect on Aaron but he still knew what had to be done, "Sometimes love isn't enough Vic...I can't be with him. I just can't." He huffed out, making Victoria sigh again and then raise a hand in defeat before looking over to Robert's room.

  
"He's waiting for ya...don't break his heart too much yeah?" Victoria wasn't cold, or angry, just _sad_ as she looked back at Aaron.

  
Aaron gulped hard, "Deep down he knows that it's what we both need." He pointed out making Victoria nod as she watched him walk towards her brother's room.

 

***

 

Aaron braced himself as he walked inside, the monitors still as loud as annoying as they had been the night before. Robert looked a little brighter, the paleness in his cheeks were still there but he seemed different, more alert.

  
Aaron walked towards the bed, shaking a little as he cleared his throat. Robert's eyes fluttered open, a small smile instantly greeting Aaron because he had wanted to see him since the moment he had woken up. He had tried to smile at Victoria and let Diane pet his hair for all of two seconds until he asked "Is Aaron here?", "Did he stay?", "Is he okay?" and only annoying Victoria in the process.

They say your life flashes before your eyes just as you think you're dying and all Robert saw physically as well as mentally as he lay there was Aaron, _Aaron_ , **_Aaron_**.

  
Robert's hand started to shake a little, it had happened before - anxiety he thought or stress from what had happened to him. How lucky he had been considering he was awake, able to talk if he wanted to. They kept telling him that morning that he would have a long road back to recovery considering the trauma he had been through over the last two months, it had made Robert laugh dryly because it sounded like he had a share in the hospital ward.

  
"Hey," Aaron let out, looking down at Robert's hand and instinctively holding on to stop it from trembling so much.

  
Robert tried to open his mouth to speak but Aaron shook his head, "It's alright ya don't need to say anything. Don't worry."

  
Robert breathed in heavily as he thought about the last thing he remembered happening the night before, he had been talking to Aaron, the pain was getting worse and he had told Aaron he loved him, always had and then he had felt his body relax and stop doing what he wanted.

  
Robert licked his lips to try and prepare himself as he looked towards Aaron, "Always will," he whispered, soft and gentle and suddenly Aaron was frowning at him.

  
"What are ya on about?" Aaron asked, titling his head a little as Robert looked at him seriously.

  
"Always - always have, always will," Robert let out weakly, seeing the way Aaron's face dropped towards the floor, obviously it had effected him more than Robert thought he would and he was desperate to make Aaron not cry in front of him. "You used to hate when I didn't finish of my sentences remember?" He added as Aaron looked at him, a small smile on his face as he thought back to all those times where Robert would start speaking and then would get lost in Aaron's eyes so much that he forget what he was going to say. Aaron was slap him playfully and say how much that it annoyed him.

  
Aaron nodded his head, "I remember..." He whispered as Robert settled down on the bed a little better.

  
"I didn't mean to scare ya, I didn't really plan on becoming unconscious, or getting stabbed for that matter." Robert said, his voice a little more controlled.

  
Aaron leaned in a little closer to Robert, realising that he must have heard that last night - and if he heard that then he could have everything else that was said.

  
"You heard -"

  
"I heard all of it Aaron, this time everything was a bit clearer - not like when I was in that coma." Robert mumbled, he heard Aaron say that they needed closure and he knew what he trying to say - that they needed to move on and forget everything that had happened - be civil.

  
"I don't want to hurt ya Rob, it's the last thing I want to do after last night - I never want to see ya in pain, I should have never wished anything like that on ya and I'm so sorry." Aaron let out, feeling awful again and then on the verge of tears.

  
Robert gulped hard, "Hey...shh you're not gonna hurt me anymore than I hurt you. I know what you're tryna say Aaron - me and you, it...we can't -"

  
Aaron arched an eyebrow in surprise, "I didn't think you'd agree."

  
"I don't," Robert said flatly before pulling a hand up to Aaron's face, "But I just want ya happy Aaron and I know I don't make ya happy...I don't make ya feel warm and loved and - _special_." Robert's voice cracked as he spoke, "You deserve better than me, 'cos...'cos although I know you love me - it's almost like a burden for ya, I don't want a be a burden Aaron." A tear fell down his face, betraying him as he spoke and realised that chasing after Aaron would be the most unfair thing to do in the situation - he needed to let him go and find someone who didn't make him hurt so much.

  
Aaron was stunned, he had never thought of Robert's love as a burden, for so long it had been almost an anchor, a rock of unwavering truth amongst a sea of doubt but yet he understood what Robert was saying. "Robert. Loving ya was never a burden, I swear to ya it wasn't, yeah maybe unwanted at times but - but knowing there was someone out there who I loved at the end of the day - it was comforting even at the worst of times." He whispered honestly making Robert sniff and then let another tear fall again.

  
"That's how I've felt recently," Robert breathed out, "But like ya said, we both need to find a way to move on - to be better people without _this_ stopping us from doing that." It hurt to say but then again so did the truth.

  
Aaron nodded his head, "I don't want us hating each other Rob -"

  
"I've never hated ya." Robert butted in, Aaron almost instantly believed him as he nodded.

  
"I want us to, to try and be happy for each other - we have to try and, and see each other everyday. I don't want ya leave Rob." Aaron admitted.

  
Robert frowned, "That's not fair Aaron." He said quickly knowing that the thought of leaving if it all got too much was always at the back of his mind, always a possibility and now he had to deal with Aaron's sadness if he ever did, "You can't not want me but still want me _around_ , I don't think I could do that - see ya moving on and - and seeing someone make ya smile that isn't me, just pretend we're mates when we both know they'll always be something more!" He shouted the last parts, enough to make him breathless and Aaron feel awful.

  
"I'm sorry," Aaron darted his eyes towards the floor, "It's just...last night I - I thought I lost ya Rob, so the thought of not seeing ya - you leaving I, it would I dunno it wouldn't help anything between us." Robert settled himself, nodding a little. "And this isn't about seeing anyone new, this is about both of us getting past this, _us_ because we know it's not good. We know we can't be together."

  
It stung a little as Aaron said the words, how 'obviously' they couldn't be together, Robert knew he was right but it didn't help - it just made him sadder, and even more frustrated by the fact that he couldn't make Aaron happy. He wasn't able to make Aaron stop thinking about what had happened between them and all the mistakes and lies and upset caused.

  
Robert looked up at Aaron, "You know if I could, I'd do so many things differently Aaron..." He whispered, regret like a black smoke taking hold of his heart and not letting go. He would have started by never pushing Katie and breaking Aaron's heart, he would have made sure Chrissie found out months earlier as soon as he realised he wanted Aaron even more than he wanted her. He would have never held a gun up to the man he loved and threaten his life over what they shared.

  
Aaron nodded his head in agreement, "Yeah so would I." One regret stood out in his mind, outing Robert to everyone and watching him struggle to pick up the pieces of his life after.

  
Robert felt Aaron's hands on his and it was warm and inviting and he would miss it so much, "But kissing ya, snogging your face off on that lay by," Robert smiled a little and shook his head as he saw Aaron blush,  _what_ _a_ _memory_ , "I wouldn't do that any differently, I wouldn't take that back for anything Aaron." Despite knowing the consequential heartache he would both _feel_ and _cause_ after, kissing Aaron that day was never a regret in his mind.

  
Aaron nodded his head again, tears swimming in his eyes before he ripped them away and let out a little sigh, "When did you get so weirdly soft?" He tried to lighten the mood.

  
Robert shrugged his shoulders, "When it was to late to matter." That was another regret, not telling Aaron how much he loved him, being all soft and sweet when he had the chance, not it didn't matter at all.

  
"Yeah well you being nice is only making this harder," Aaron said, a little sigh escaping him.

  
Robert cleared his throat, thinking about how Aaron had been able to be harsh and cold for months now despite loving Robert - he needed to know how, "Tell me how to stop feeling like this," Robert said softly, "Tell me how to forget the way ya still make me feel, how I'd take ya back in a shot if - if I knew it's what was right." His voice broke a little, "'Cos I don't think I'll be able to stop by myself."

  
Aaron gulped hard, he didn't have an answer.

  
"Go on then, tell me." Robert snapped, it hurt, everything hurt now to know that he has no choice but to stop loving Aaron somehow.

  
Aaron shook his head, "Time I suppose, time to just - just heal and eventually Robert - we could, could be happy for each other, you know be -"

  
"Mates." Robert said weakly, pulling a face, "I don't have many of those."

 

Aaron rolled his eyes and then tried to smile as he looked towards Robert and then towards the window, "I'll always care about you, you know? And I don't _hate_ ya either." It was needed to be said, after all these months.

  
Robert arched an eyebrow, "Yeah?" He asked, unsure if it was true or not. Aaron nodded his head in agreement, eager to reassure Robert.

  
"Yeah, you'll always...always _stubbornly_ be in here," Aaron whispered honestly as he pointed towards his chest and saw the way Robert was looking at him. "I just hope that...that in time, you're not always in here too." He added, a little sadder as he pointed towards his temple and watched Robert nod his head.

  
Robert looked towards the window and saw the officers sitting outside, gulping he turned back round to Aaron. "Tell me what to say, I'll lie...say I don't know who it was if that's what you want."

  
Aaron smiled softly and then shook his head, "There's no need, my mum told the police - they're gonna get her the help she's need for a while." He whispered sadly, still hurt by how badly his mother needed help.

  
Robert frowned gently, "Aaron I'm...I'm sorry I -"

  
"It's not your fault, don't worry." Aaron whispered, his voice kind as he spoke and taking Robert by surprise. Amongst all the harshness and the coldness of months spent throwing insults and dirty looks he had almost forgotten how _kind_ Aaron was, _kinder_ than he could ever imagine to be himself.

  
Victoria appeared by the door, nosey and trying to gauge an expression from the both of them.

  
Aaron cleared his throat awkwardly, "I'll see ya then..." He whispered, a hand falling on Robert's for one last time, and then a gentle kiss placed there that made Robert laugh, thinking back to how he had kissed Aaron there in that hotel bed. One of the only times he had ever accept the term 'soft' as being a trait of his.

  
"See ya," Robert whispered back, making sure to hide his sadness and smile because he knew Aaron would be happier without all _this_ in his mind, in his way.

Robert watched Aaron leave, he watched Victoria walk towards him and then he felt himself through his arms around her and sob into her again and again, "It's over, we can't do this anymore Vic, I've let him go." Robert cried, knowing it was over and he had just let Aaron walk away from any life they could have _shared_.

 

 

 

**_Three weeks later._ **

 

Robert closed the door of the cottage behind him, stepping out onto the pavement and squinting at the glaring sun making him turn away. He had only been let out of hospital the night before after 'complications' meant that days in hospital recovering turned into weeks. Apparently he had developed an infection and was ordered to stay in the hospital until it was dealt with. Three whole weeks of doing nothing but staring up at the ceiling, counting the amount of people that walked by and then hearing Victoria and Diane blab on about nonsense.

  
Diane mentioned Chas once or twice, said she had been to see her and that she was still having treatment, it meant Robert feel better - knowing that if Chas was getting better then Aaron would be better - happier.

  
Victoria was smart enough not to breath a word about Aaron to Robert when they were on their own. She knew he wanted to know things but always kept it to herself, telling her brother how he was doing wouldn't help him finally get over his ex.

  
Robert couldn't deny the fact that he would still want Aaron to visit him, just the once and it hurt when he didn't. But he couldn't think about that, he didn't allow himself to spend hours up at night just thinking about him, he was past that now so that was one good thing to focus his mind on.

 

Robert began walking down the road, hands tucked inside his jacket as he approached the cafe with his head down towards the floor.

  
Suddenly Robert felt someone fall into him, hitting him in the stomach and hurting. "Ah fuck," he winced as he looked up and saw how it was.

  
Aaron stood there, eyes wide and alert and then hands moving over to Robert and trying to help. "Shit I was miles away then," he said nervously, "Are ya okay?" He asked as he saw Robert try to smile at him weakly.

  
"Yeah I'm fine." Robert said after a few seconds as he looked up at Aaron.

  
Aaron nodded his head, the air awkward between them. "I didn't know you had been discharged..." He offered, attempting to make conversation.

  
Robert was a bit surprised but went along with it, he hadn't expected Aaron to be all chatty after not seeing him for weeks. "Yeah last night."

  
Aaron nodded his head again, slower this time as he stared open mouthed, "I should have, I mean I was planning - I've just been really -"

  
Robert lifted up a hand, "You don't need to say anything Aaron, I get it." He said softly - he understood but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt.

  
Robert made an attempt to leave, but saw that Aaron still wanted to say something so stayed.

  
"My...my mum's getting there, she...she's so sorry Robert." Aaron said, squinting a little because of the sun.

  
Robert felt bad, "She dosen't have to be, she's ill."

  
Aaron titled his head and let out a sigh, "Yeah but still..." He mumbled out, "How have ya been?" He asked gently.

  
Robert nodded his head shyly, "I was fine until some bloke crashed into me after I was _stabbed_." He said, a smile on his face and making Aaron smile for the first time in weeks.

  
Aaron pulled a little face, "Yeah sorry about that," Aaron looked over towards the pub, "I should be getting back...I've been helping out at the bar so..." He said a little awkwardly as he spoke.

  
Robert raised an eyebrow, "Mechanic, Scrap yard owner _and_ now barman, is there an end to your talents?" He questioned with a smile that made Aaron roll his eyes and sigh playfully. "At least ya don't need to go into town to get drinks bought for ya by fellas trying their luck eh?" It came out too quickly, Robert's shoulders were too tense, too serious and Aaron noticed, of course he noticed.

Aaron had almost been waiting for the moment where they got to this jokey banter stage and someone said something too awkward. He had expected Robert to put his foot in it, especially about Aaron _moving_ on, he already expressed his views about that three weeks ago as he yelled about not knowing how to cope with seeing 'someone else make Aaron smile' - it was sensitive ground.

  
"I should, let ya go then." Robert muttered out awkwardly, stepping to the side a little as he spoke and watching Aaron nod in agreement before walking towards the pub.

  
Robert breathed out gently, it hadn't been as bad as he thought it would be - they had been able to chat and actually have a civil, decent conversation and somehow Robert didn't feel an ache in his heart like he used to.

  
"Robert!" Aaron called out, making Robert twist round and stare at Aaron by the doors of the pub, "Come in later, I'll get ya a pint to welcome ya home mate." It was said with a loose smile, a hand through his hair.

  
Robert's heart wouldn't stop beating, he smiled back and nodded as he heard the word 'mate and realises that they could be just that - _mates_. Mates who would always love each other, always be there and care for each other. Just two people who despite not being able to be together, couldn't imagine life without each other.

 

"Yeah sounds good mate." He shouted back, knowing that being mates with Aaron was what he needed, it was the closest thing he could ever be to the younger man again. And despite the ache his heart would feel in the future when someone looked at Aaron across the bar and he'd be forced not to say a word, or when Aaron would bring a bloke home who just isn't right for him - or even where he himself found himself with someone else, he would always know that they had something special, something like a little spark of electricity between them that would always be just a match away from reigniting.

 

Robert managed to pull his eyes away from Aaron, walking towards the cafe with a gentle smile on his face - missing the way Aaron still lingered by the door of the pub, a stubborn smile directed at Robert that made his heart _still_ skip a beat.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah that happened...let me know if you liked it <3


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